Cole Reviews Drinking Game

Legal note: Cole Reviews is not responsible for any liver damage, weight gain, accidental pregnancies, or other problems incurred by the use of this product. Use at your own risk.

Got any additions? E-mail 'em to me.


Three stars - Sip -- moderation is the key with 3-star ratings.

Zero stars - Chug. Especially if you have this in your collection.

Five stars - Buy the album. Heck, order it on or something, then you won't even have to stop drinking.

Cole thinks an album is underrated - Chug.

If it's the Rolling Stones - Make sure you're on the right website.

Cole thinks an album is overrated - Sip.

If it's OK Computer - Get over it and drink.


"sucks", "crappy", "lame" - Sip.

"-driven", "drenched" - Two sips.

"gorgeous", "beautiful", "lovely", "pretty" - Take a shot. Then tell your fellow players how much you love them.

"over-the-top", "goofy", "silly" - Switch to a more pretentious drink.

"anyways" - Chug.

"elsewhere", "otherwise", "okay", "thankfully" - Sip.

A combination of two words - Say a prayer for the English language, then sip.


Title snarking (i.e. "Hey (Officer, She Said She Was) Nineteen", 90125/Jenny) - Sip.

Lyrics snarking (i.e. half the Live page) - Two sips.

Band snarking (i.e. "the Damon Albarn Experience", "Bono (vocals, guitar, stupid sunglasses)") - Sip.

Reader comment snarking (i.e. Zeppelin page) - Smirk confidently in your superiority, then sip.


Random pop culture reference - Curse our post-modern society, then take a shot.

Tori Amos reference - Groan, then just switch to the hard liquor.

Other web reviewer reference - If it's you, feel pride in your accomplishments. Otherwise, three sips.

Canada reference - Sip. If your drink is Canadian, smile condescendingly at anyone drinking American beer.

Star Trek reference - Do the Vulcan salute. If you don't like Star Trek, shame on you -- chug.


Cole complains about the production - Two sips.

"What is this, ______?" - Sip.

Cole says how much he sucks at reviewing - Roll your eyes, then sip.

Cole says he finds a band member attractive - Chug.

"Inventive" review method (i.e. Thomas Dolby sci-fi, Lifehouse pretentiousness) - Think of someone who did it better, then sip.

Profanity - Sip. Note: for the Strokes review, just finish your drink, it'll be less painful.

Random band hatred - Sip. If you like said band, drunkenly mumble threats of physical violence.

Oh God, I think I'm gonna...