Cole Reviews Drinking Game
Legal note: Cole Reviews is not responsible for any liver damage, weight gain, accidental pregnancies, or other problems incurred by the use of this product. Use at your own risk.
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Three stars - Sip -- moderation is the key with 3-star ratings.
Zero stars - Chug. Especially if you have this in your collection.
Five stars - Buy the album. Heck, order it on amazon.com or something, then you won't even have to stop drinking.
Cole thinks an album is underrated - Chug.
If it's the Rolling Stones - Make sure you're on the right website.
Cole thinks an album is overrated - Sip.
If it's OK Computer - Get over it and drink.
"sucks", "crappy", "lame" - Sip.
"-driven", "drenched" - Two sips.
"gorgeous", "beautiful", "lovely", "pretty" - Take a shot. Then tell your fellow players how much you love them.
"over-the-top", "goofy", "silly" - Switch to a more pretentious drink.
"anyways" - Chug.
"elsewhere", "otherwise", "okay", "thankfully" - Sip.
A combination of two words - Say a prayer for the English language, then sip.
Title snarking (i.e. "Hey (Officer, She Said She Was) Nineteen", 90125/Jenny) - Sip.
Lyrics snarking (i.e. half the Live page) - Two sips.
Band snarking (i.e. "the Damon Albarn Experience", "Bono (vocals, guitar, stupid sunglasses)") - Sip.
Reader comment snarking (i.e. Zeppelin page) - Smirk confidently in your superiority, then sip.
Random pop culture reference - Curse our post-modern society, then take a shot.
Tori Amos reference - Groan, then just switch to the hard liquor.
Other web reviewer reference - If it's you, feel pride in your accomplishments. Otherwise, three sips.
Canada reference - Sip. If your drink is Canadian, smile condescendingly at anyone drinking American beer.
Star Trek reference - Do the Vulcan salute. If you don't like Star Trek, shame on you -- chug.
Cole complains about the production - Two sips.
"What is this, ______?" - Sip.
Cole says how much he sucks at reviewing - Roll your eyes, then sip.
Cole says he finds a band member attractive - Chug.
"Inventive" review method (i.e. Thomas Dolby sci-fi, Lifehouse pretentiousness) - Think of someone who did it better, then sip.
Profanity - Sip. Note: for the Strokes review, just finish your drink, it'll be less painful.
Random band hatred - Sip. If you like said band, drunkenly mumble threats of physical violence.
Oh God, I think I'm gonna...